Pieces: Becoming Whole

I had been thinking for months now about how to bring the various parts of myself into a more truthful whole.  Since I am really not pieces, but one person, and my art needs to be a reflection of that, I wondered for a long time how to do it.  I was aware that this would mean being more honest, more truly myself, more revealing and as a result more vulnerable.  And vulnerable can be a scary thing.

This year I wanted to make sure the journey of my art took a turn that meant I could more easily express myself and all that I am.  A big part of me that is often not present in my art work is the fact that I am a practicing Jew. So much of my life is taken up with observance in the realm of Judaism and with concern for following what G-d wants and has for me, that it has seemed almost dishonest of me to separate it from the work I do as an artist. 

“The One That Stayed”. One of my favourite paintings of the last year, I’m noticing birds showing up in my work a lot. They speak to me of the freedom found in soaring high and being completely who I am.

And so, now I want to be sure this is revealed in my creative work. All of me means more compelling and honest art.

My Rabbi’s wife recommended a book for me that I just recently finished.  By Rabbi Bahya, the book is called “Duties of the Heart: Gate of Trust.”  As I made my way through this book, which explains in the best way I’ve ever seen, what it really means to trust G-d, there was one passage in particular that hit me so strongly with regard to my art.  Here is what the Rabbi says:

“One who trusts in G-d, even while she is engaging in the means for earning a livelihood, her heart will not rely on the means. And she will not hope to receive profit or loss from them unless it is the will of G-d.  Rather, she engages in them as part of her service of G-d who commanded us to occupy ourselves with the world, to maintain it and make it more habitable.  If these means will yield her profit or help her avoid a loss, she will thank G-d alone for this, and she will not love and cherish the means more for this, nor will she rely more on them on account of this.  Rather, her trust in G-d will be strengthened, and she will come to rely on Him and not the means.  And if the means do not yield any benefit, she knows that her livelihood will come to her when G-d wants, and through whatever way He wants.  Therefore, she will not reject the means because of this, nor abandon employing them, and thus she will serve her Creator.”  (Gate of Trust, pg. 110-111) 

So as this new year begins, I will listen for how being all that I am will actually impact my artwork. I have some ideas already and trust that G-d will reveal ideas as well.  In this time, when antisemitism is once again on the rise, and I lose followers every time I even mention the fact that I am a Jew, I look forward to feeling and being freer.  And if that means losing some people, my hope is it will mean gaining others who are meant to be with me on this journey.  No matter what, I know and trust that Hashem is with me in this.

“Keep the charge of the L-RD your G-d, walking in His ways and following His laws, His commandments, His rules, and His admonitions as recorded in the Teaching of Moses, in order that you may succeed in whatever you undertake and wherever you turn.” (I Kings 2:3)